I wasted some quality time browsing random websites, and here are the fruits of my labors (the first few pictures just speak for themselves, but click the images if you like)…

From seller: “If like us, you suffer from the almost constant disappointment of holy effigies failing to miraculously appear to you during breakfast, well, fret no more, because help is at hand.”
*chortle*

This one I would actually consider buying. Awhile ago, thinking it would help me get up, I bought an alarm clock called ‘Sonic Boom.’ It comes with a vibrating disc that goes under your pillow to literally shake you awake. My theory was that if it were more irritating, it would wake me up. Instead, it made me press the snooze button sooner. Alas.